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 What the hell is an end of year if you can't enjoy those hopeless year-end reviews? We're certainly not immune, so in the spirit of the season, we'd like to introduce our own perspective on the year and what happened in it. We've assembled some great angles, including articles by our own Merch Face, our video director Jigar Talati, and a great friend of ours, Justin Randall Timberlake of NSYNC fame. So put your feet up for a few minutes when your boss isn't looking, and take a look back here.
Flashlight 2000  Regrettably, the year 2000 didn't end up being the computerized Armageddon we'd all hoped for. Banks didn't go bust, governments didn't collapse, and our Air Transat flight to Vancouver didn't plunge into the wheat-belt in a giant ball of flaming steel and flesh. Now let's focus on the things that did happen:
- A new member, Mike Conroy, joined our ranks. His suave guitar playing was quickly overshadowed by an odd craving to do whatever he was told, including singing in front of crowded restaurants, drinking dirty water out of puddles, and converting to Islam.
- An "in-between-albums" single was released on MP3 format called A Freak, which featured 2 new songs and a re-do of Ice Cold. The quick success of the release proved not only that the MP3 is a valid and important format that's destined to lead the way to a future of digital music distribution, but that people still can't pass up free stuff.
- A radical new website gave everyone up-to-the-minute access to late-breaking Flashlight news. It also gave our merch guy a wider forum for talking shit.
- Several television appearances were made on shows like MuchEast, Off the Record, The Wedge and Much in Fashion. Full House was immediately bumped out of 1st place on TV Guide's "Worst TV of all Time" list.
 - A busy touring schedule ensured another view of the country from coast to coast. Somehow we managed to completely skip Manitoba and Saskatchewan, leaving about 4 people very disappointed.
- Work on a new album was started in earnest. Sensing a lack of inspiration among the ranks, Tim decided to start randomly punching other members, successfully sparking passionate feelings of anger, pain and fear. Next album tentatively entitled "Anger, Pain and Fear".
 That's about it. Sure we had some run-ins with the law, some near death experiences and one incident involving a flock of Blue Tailed Yard Hawks that we're under legal council not to comment on, but those were just icing on an otherwise productive and fun year. Thanks to everyone who came to the shows, bought our stuff, or otherwise contributed to our ridiculous notion that we should keep doing this next year.
Some Other Perspectives: Fun Time Funnies!
"He's gone..." |
Being Merch Face
By: Merch Face  There are quite a few memorable things that I've done in my lifetime, but none have been as extravagant as touring this spectacular country with a band named Flashlight. What fun it has been, to be a merchandise vendor. Late nights, band fights, greasy Whoppers and the occasional drink have made me the person I am today. When I come to think of it, it's the person I've always been, just with a few more brain cells burnt.
I don't speak to Matt much, or Tim. And I still believe that Mikey's last name is Curvey. And Fil is too busy eating cheese, hot peppers and Cappicolo. But whenever I see these dudes it always feels like we're gonna head over to the tour van at the end of the night, but we don't. They have lives. So when Matt approached me (through email) to come up with a little somethin' somethin' for this year-end review, I agreed. Hmmm, I thought, what could I possibly write about? The west coast? The shows? The sleeping arrangements? Or maybe I should let you, the fan, know what these guys are all about when they are confined to a van for many consecutive hours.  Matt is a man of many faces. At any point while travelling the Trans Canada, he could be reading a book. He could be blowing up a cherry bomb by Tim's feet. He could be discussing the theory of relativity. He could be telling Fil and myself, "you two never have anything important to discuss." He could also be ignoring Mikey's hilarious rendition of a popular Len song, which at this point I can't recall. He seems mischievous yet sophisticated, caring but "not giving a fuck what Fil thinks." All in all, he's a good highway driver who only speaks when bothered. He's a good guy to have on your team, but I think he'd rather be playing for another.  Tim is a guy who likes to overreact to the smallest things. Like if I blow a loud whistle in his ear, or if Fil punches him while he is driving 160 km/h. He is always ready to raise his fist and punch someone in the shoulder, mainly me. He did save my life in Edmonton when I ate a whole bunch of magic mushrooms and believed the whole city was out to kill me. Thanks buddy. He is the only one allowed to pass gas in the van. It seems as though he contains his energy until he hits the stage and releases his force. He is always a pleasure to watch, don't you agree?
You can definitely learn a lot about a guy when you're trapped in a van with him all day and night. On the outside, Mikey may look like a shy, timid boy, but when he's in the van he's a true Canadian nutcase. He would always be smoking a fat spliff and downing Kahlua Milkshakes. Always drunk, always in the stars. I remember one night he ate like 6 hits of acid. To everyone in Trois Riviers, now you know why Mikey drank from that puddle. In the van his nickname is the Pillsbury Fart Boy because every time you punch him in the stomach he lets out a little butt giggle. Hee hee. Fil always has a new story about the old country. Fil always takes a nap and gets his face covered in Kabooki powder. Fil will make Matt dance to the new Master P jam. Fil makes everyone else think that they're fatter than him. Fil is the only one allowed driving in the big cities. Fil is always right about directions. Fil knows more about music than Tim and Matt put together. Fil kissed Tim when they were sleeping. That is Flashlight when they're not on stage. What the Hell Are They Called?
By: Jigar Talati  Flashlight. The name conjures up…well…other names. The Flashing Lights. Flashbulb. Flashflight. My history with this band can be chronicled by the various incidents where their identity has been severely butchered. When I first heard of them I thought what a simple, yet cool band name. 'Flashlight'. That's what makes a cool band name. Taking the simple, even mundane, word or phrase or object and making it hip. The greatest bands give these things entirely new meanings. What do you think of when you hear the word beetle? The phrase 'rolling stone'? That's what I'm talking about.
While I was putting the video together for Sonia Bianchi I was asked the same question over and over again at the various film transfer and equipment houses: "Weren't you just here doing a project?" After the third or fourth time my answer to that question would be: "I said Flashlight NOT *%@^&!! Flashing Lights! While we were storyboarding the video my editor and storyboard artist kept labelling the boards 'Flashbulb'. Recently, while I was doing some television interviews to promote a film I directed I decided to plug my boys FLASHLIGHT. In the final cut they edited my mentioning the band by using the reporter's voice over to quickly wrap up the segment: "…Talati also directed the video for the band Flashflight." What the hell is so hard about FLASHLIGHT? Maybe it's too simple. Too subtle. Too cool for people to get right. This December 31st when you're all in drunken haze and thinking about your new year's resolution put in a thought for these poor lads and vow to get the word out that they are the cool, fresh, punkalicious, next big thing this side of blink 182, band named FLASHLIGHT! *Paid for by the people for the ethical treatment of Flashmen…Flashfight…Flasher…oh, whatever the hell their name is! Tour Highlights The following year 2000 tour highlights may or may not be true: - Blazing a trail through the hearty Canadian winter with Sno Jam 2000.
- Playing at The Smugglers' video release party in Vancouver and doing the eastern leg of their CD release tour.
 - Bubble bath party at Madonna's mansion on Long Island.
- Having the honour of playing beside some of our favourite bands at Warped Tour 2000.
- Fireworks, stink bombs, chainsaws and alcohol.
- Enjoying the luxury of drunken flights to our western tour and back.
- Tim singing the national anthem at game 3 of the World Series.
- Snuggling up with Mustard Plug's moms.
- Watching the expression on Beez's face when we raided his garage full of equipment.
 - Red Deer's complete and absolute lack of anything to do.
- Bathtubs full of cash, champaign fights and our new Porsches.
- Making thirteen bucks in Truro then donating it to charity.
- The smell of smoke, beer and human gas that just doesn't come out in one wash alone.
Flashlight Kicks Ass
By: Justin Randall Timberlake
 When the guy's asked me to write an article for their year-end review, I was thrilled. Lately, NSYNC has been keeping me so busy that I'd started to forget about my true friends, and this was a perfect opportunity to get back to basics.
I first met Flashlight at the Fault Line nightclub in Los Angeles. I had just broken things off with Jeff Timmons of 98 degrees and so was feeling a little despondent to say the least. Can I tell you, the Flashlight guys turned my frown upside down! The first stop was the bar, where the guys bought a round of tequila shots. I'd never had tequila before and was a little hesitant, but with some good-natured peer pressure, they managed to get a few of them down my throat. I started feeling a little dizzy so we left and went down the street to the Red Dragon. The guys ordered 4 pitchers of beer and Mike poured us each a large glass. I don't think I was drinking mine fast enough (I don't really like the taste of beer), but the guys really encouraged me. At one point, Merch Face had his arm locked around my neck while the other guys poured beer into my open mouth! Ha ha! Talk about persuasion!  Soon after this I had to go to the bathroom to throw up, so the guys took some of my money to pay the tab and said they'd meet me outside.
I was still feeling a little shaky when I left, so when the guy's grabbed me and duct taped my hands together, I was really taken by surprise. Matt had a bottle of sambuca on him so we all ducked into an alley to have some cocktails. I don't remember seeing any of them drink, but they encouraged me to take long gulps from the bottle. I'll be honest, I don't think I kept much of it down, but whenever I threw up, Fil punched me in the stomach while Tim and the rest of them cursed at me. Ha ha! Those guys are nuts!.
The next morning I woke up in that same alley. My wallet was gone and I was covered in my own vomit and feces. What a great night. I hardly even remembered what had been troubling me the previous evening! I haven't seen the guys since then, but I'll always keep a special place in my heart for the boys who lifted my spirits on that hot California night. |
TORONTO , ON--An 11 year old boy died late Sunday night, having never fulfilled his lifelong dream of meeting the members of Flashlight. "I want to meet the 4 men who made the music that's kept my spirit alive", little Timothy Strachan told the Make a Wish Foundation. "Through all the chemotherapy, the operations, the fevers, the sores, the missed childhood and the constant fear of death, their music has made me want to keep going."
OTTAWA , ON--The race is officially under way and our own Merch Face has thrown his hat in the ring to become the next Prime Minister of our country. In a hastily arranged press conference this afternoon, Merch outlined the policies of his recently formed Khegg Party.
Thanks to for tuning in to our live TV performance last weekend on Much! Thanks also to everyone who came out to the show, I think you all missed it, but the effort made us feel pretty warm and mushy inside.
In a stunning upset this week, Mustard Plug's moms won the world's most coveted weightlifting championship. The brutish ladies swept all seven categories, including the + 94kg and + 105kg.